December 29th-

I am starting to De-stress. Although, since the surface pieces of stress are dying off, the underlying issues are coming up.
My feeling of Inadequacy, My fears of being alone, and abandoned. Got to get to the point where I can beleive I worth time, and that people that like me will generally stay near me. but its hard, these issues are not small, and not simple. these "problems" will take time. idk I just feel like maybe some times people dont understand what my True issues and problems are, and get caught on my little things that mean nothing.

December 27th tomorrow I start training

Vector Training is tomorrow, my X-mas was interesting, met somone called "The Rabbit" friend of the dragon's who makes the apple pie drink. he's kinda cool.  Although I am now contantly worried that my panda has used me for Sex, the Dragon says I'm paranoid, and that it's probably some other reason she hasnt be talkative, nbut the sinking feeling in my chest is scarying me to the point of madness, is this what Insanity does? drives you to think of things that cannot possibly be true until they are reality? I think I'm going to go watch SoulxEater. good show.

the 24th, the day before Christmas

And all through the Cave, not a creatures was purring
Not even tuggers.
The Beast sat at his computer, and what did he find, Messages from Old friends
They were not very kind.
"How dare you break up with her?"
"You fool, i'm glad your out of her life."
"You were bad for her I'm glad your gone."
Little these creatures know, something amiss
She was the one truly at fault.
So the tentacled one placed up a small answer
to fill them with knowledge about him not caring.
the Ocelot decided to try and fight over the internet.
Low and behold here comes a Gothi to his aide.
The beast smiled and gave a small hooray.
As the day past Zen grew weary and tired, and thought to snuggle with tugger and retire.
as he was about to make way to his bed- behold a ring, a ring near his head.
he plucked the phone from his the hood of his sweater- it was the Ocelot, sending him word-
"I want you back," she says," And I won't stop till your mine. I miss you love you, come back your mine!"
the tentacled one cracked a small smile and dialed.
when she picked up with glee he yelled," GET BENT XENOPHILE!"
And with that he closed his phone and skipped of to bed, to dream of foxes, pandas and cats. So Merry Christmas, and good morning to all. Its the day before- and it's never to late to call!

Dec 22- The world FUCKING ends.

So, the dragons gone for a bit, gonna be alone on Christmas. that doesn't bother me, what bothers me is the Ocelot I left- decided now to tell me some more of the things she's done.this is a short blog, im just very lonely and very angry right now...felt like writing some of it out.

Dragon Fire Dec 20th

As I awoke this morning the dragon was not in the best of moods. Come to find out the Fox had turned down his offer to visit him, to play monopoly with a person we will call, "S-X".
In my personal opinion if the Fox continues to choose S-X over the dragon she will never be able to fix the damage that has torched their relationship. I indeed do wonder sometimes if she truly wants to at all. After putting the dragon to bed with a sandwich and some coffee, I decided to do a few more mundane chores, and still have some left to do. Did a ton of exercise yesterday and wore my ass out. Need to get more fit! But back to the main point of this blog- Honestly if I were trying to repair the damage in a relationship I would do it in these steps.
1. remove anything that caused the original issue, be it person, item or action.
2. talk to person in steps, address all issues and try to fix them one by one. Even if they ask something ridiculous, if they are worth it, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
3. Never ever ever repeat offend. Only ruins all work done prior.
I mean it does sometimes take more work, and its easy to slip, but it comes down to if that person is worth it. To me, Dragon would be, I would never want to upset him, and try very hard to be a good house cleaning, food cooking, farm-monkeying tentacle beast. But sometimes I'll forget something and I'll apologize and try to do better, nothing he says or asks is designed for me to fail, nor does he get overly angry when I do, I've only been punished once(left out chicken, luckily it was saved, had to eat ramen for a week.) but I took to my punishment with a spring in my step and he dropped it early do to good behavior.
Lying only gets you so far until your backed into a corner. In my opinion I've been there- done that. NEVER again. Anyway toodles.

Dec 19th- Single again and my heart is pounding like death on a door.

So- it's finally official- I am no longer with the Ocelot. It's over finito, final. I am single. yes- single.
I only have one word to say..........Fuck.
How'd it come to this? I don't know. The lies? The pain, the constant battering of my skull....one word. Fuck.
Anyway besides that it's pointing more and more to the panda moving in. did some stretching thinking about going to watch a movie or somethin- idk really what to do with my brain. I do have to clean the catbox and restock the toiletries, some drone work will probably be best..

December 18th

Well, Went in for the interview, and got the job, now I'm worrying over transport. bike possibly but the ride will kill me in my current physical state. ntm seems like I'm being ignored by a certain panda, either that or she's really busy, I guess I'll just have to wait for her to call me at some point. I'm just way to interested in what she has planned, to not want to talk to her. But- for now I'll just wait  impatiently and try to get my weight down and stamina up. might help with my sleep issue to work out more as well. ttfn might post later tonight.